I know it's obscenely early to be up, but I usually wake up around this time. . . and well, I wanted to waste some time before I dove into studying for a couple tests. ::sighs:: Kids, the third term of your senior year is hell. And don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

I'm so TIRED! And I hate high school. I'm so thankful I'm going to college next year. It'll be so much better.

I think.

See, I'm going to a rather. . . well, conservative school. And I live in, well, what could be a termed a place that prizes conformity. I'm not a conformist. The really scary thing is that a few of my college friends dropped by at lunch today (and Manders! Hi! ::waves at Manders and generally makes a big dork of herself::) and one of them is transferring to a school in the north of the state. Why? Because she says that her school (the one I'm going to) is not letting her really express herself (although that's not her only reason by far) and that's kind of scary. I want to have a studio. . . and wear funky vintage clothes. . and write poetry and go to nightclubs and spend my weekends prowling through art museums and go to coffeeshops. . . and I want to dye my hair red. Oh, and I want a real, old-fashioned typewriter. Sound superficial? Deal!

But instead I'll have my same old room filled with stuffed animals and cute pictures on the wall. Not that there's anything wrong with that. . . but I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing what everyone I know thinks is right. Even my parents, who don't really force me into any roles. . . well, they do. But they don't. It's hard to explain. I suppose I should really listen to Emerson one of these days. . . there comes a time when you can only please yourself, and you have to trust yourself that what you know is right.

And I want to live before I get married. It's your typical teenage girl wish, but . . . there's some truth behind it, you know? I hate admitting that I liked Titanic, but I sorta did. . . well, there are things I dislike, like Leo, but, at the end, when we see all the photographs of Rose doing all these things that she wanted to. . . being an actress, flying a plane, etc? That's what I want.

I want to visit Paris. If it's ugly, who cares? At least I'll have been there, and smelled the air myself! And if London isn't all it's cracked up to be, I still want to live there and see it for myself. And if I get blisters backpacking around Europe, at least I tried it!

I've got to learn how to live. I've spent too much of my life being afraid of it.

Envy.nu is being a damned piece of crap! Grr.

Sorry, but I'm trying to build my webpage. . .Moulin Rouge, of course, and I'm not sure I like the layout on the main page, but it's taking me forever and I'm still designing. Would love it if I got suggestions *hint*hint*

http://hindi.envy.nu

Never knew I could feel like this
It's like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time. . .

No, I'm not in love (more's the pity) except with this song! It's so beautiful! I'm going to have it played at my wedding. I decided.

The new Star Wars trailer came out yesterday (sorry, Karita, love, I'm one of those obsessive maniacs who knows when the Millenium Falcon was constructed as well. . but I try not to inflict my knowledge on hapless passerbys) and I've naturally watched it a few times. . . okay, well, maybe more than a few. (Even if you HATE SW, watch it. Adorable Ewan moments, even if he does have a beard) and some kid recorded it when it came on Fox last night. I was sitting in the library, trying to convince Jeff to give me back my book when my brother ran up and told me we were watching it. I promptly forgot the book and hightailed it towards the TV (followed by Jeff) much to the amusement of the few around me. That little room by the TV was full (of guys, no less) Who knew there were that many nerds in the library? ;)

Alright, break time over. Back to re-writing! :)

::sticks tongue out at Celyn::

Revenge my foot, cry-girl! :)

I'm madly procrastinating. I have a huge paper due tomorrow and I don't want to do it!! (Well, it's about half done. But still. . .) I mean, I really don't want to. I'm so bloody well sick of high school. I have senioritis with a passion.

What's up with me?

I can argue with myself all I want, but I still don't want to do this. Something in my brain clicked on when I got my college acceptance letter. "Oh, don't have to do anything until fall semester hits"

NO! Bad Camie! I'm going to go work on my research paper now.

Listening to Moulin Rouge in an attempt to smooth my ruffled sensibilities, of course.

At any rate. I'm a little bit tired. . . and sitting in my sister's room because my room gets monopolized when it is clean. I suppose I can't blame them. . .it's big, and the little TV/VCR combo is in there, and I do have the nice stereo system. I'm so spoiled.

I just turned out the lights so I could see the street below. I love the faintly golden glow that peers through the windows of the houses. . .how the black branches stand out against them. You get really magnificent sunsets here. . big, pillowy clouds alight with rose and crimson and purple. . . beautiful.

My dad and I were talking about college today. . . we can't afford a car for me yet (which is really a good thing, because I despise driving) and right now, biking around campus in the fall, spring, and summer sounds really lovely. Winter I'll be wrapped up in coats, scarves, gloves, and hat, hurrying from class to class. I'm starting to get excited for college. I have my summer job working with my dad (he builds guitars) and then what I've dreamed of since sixth grade. . . it'll be different, and I'll have to change my lazy habits. But even though I'm going to a pretty conservative school. . .it's still a stepping stone to the girl I mean to be. The kind that can jet off to London or Paris for a weekend. Who isn't afraid, who is talented and well-traveled. I have the potential.

Out of high school, I think . . . I feel like I'm standing on the moment of change. It is a bit scary, but I think I'll be okay. I'm still living at home, but I'm not ready to move out. I'll have to start making myself ready soon enough, but for now. . . there are things I will do and things I won't. I will try to start being published. I'll do the best I can in all my classes and take advantage of everything school has to offer.

I won't get married. So many people I know are getting married at nineteen, twenty-one. . . that's not for me. I'm going to wait for me to be ready, and I'm going to wait for the one I'm supposed to be with. Hopeless romantic or not, I'm still waiting. "The one I've waited for." I know the kind of man I want to marry-- tender, kind, thoughtful, gentle, spirtual, gentlemanly, intelligent-- and I won't settle for anything less. And if I don't ever get it, I shall die an old maid. ;) I imagine it's a pleasant sort of death.

He's a cutie.

Sigh. . .e-mail still having problems. I want to e-mail various people, but the bloody thing won't let him! Urgh.

STUPID YAHOO!

:sighs:

There, now I feel better. But my e-mail still won't open.

BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive. Find out your color at Stvlive.com!

My e-mail is having problems. That annoys me.

See which Greek Goddess you are.

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

I like Kanga. ::does happy dance::

I stole this from Kara. :)

current mood: tired, sleepy, a little sick, headachy, but holding on! :)
current music: Have a Little Faith In Me-- Jewel
current taste: Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies!
current hair: golden-brown auburn (yes, it is possible to have that hair colour)
current dress: blye velour pants and long fleece nightshirt
teeshirt. didn't I just say this? long fleece nightshirt
current annoyance: my younger sister
current smell: clean lemony scent
current thing I ought to be doing: homework
current desktop picture: a photograph of my sister in the rive
current favorite group: Savage Garden, I don’t CARE if they broke up.
current book: Rose In Bloom
current cds in stereo: Bridget Jones soundtrack and the “love medley” CD I burned
current color of toenails: frosted pink
current crush: Don’t have one at the moment. Unless you count fictional characters.
current favorite celeb: Ewan McGregor, Hugh Jackman
current hate: sickness

In the last 24 hours, have you...
smiled?: Certainly
laughed?: Yes.
cried?: After I read Celyn’s new fic! *mean look*
bought something?: Nope.
danced?: yes, in my morning workout.
been sarcastic?: a little bit
watched my favorite movie?: nope.
last book I read: Heir to the Empire
last movie I saw: Kate and Leopold
last song I heard: Come What May
last thing I had to drink: juice
last time I showered: a few hours ago
last thing I ate: girl scout cookies
I want: to be a great writer
I have: a clean room!
I wish: that people would stop trying to hurt each other and be kind
I love: My family, pets, friends, books, and writing
I hate: Brussel Sprouts
I miss: in all honesty? having a relationship. . .
I fear: missing out on life
I crave: ice cream
I wonder: about the nature of the universe
I regret: Being afraid

Do you...
smoke?:ick. no, thank you.
have sex?: not until marriage
sleep with stuffed animals?:yes, lots
live in the moment?: not really. I’m trying.
have a dream that keeps coming back?: A few times.
play an instrument?: not anymore.
believe there is life on other planets?: yes
believe in miracles?: yes, I do.
believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: always
consider yourself tolerant of others?: I try. I don’t always succeed.
consider love a mistake?: True love is never a mistake.
like the taste of alcohol?: Never tried it, don’t plan on it.
have a favorite candy?: hershey’s dark
believe in astrology?: nope
believe in magic?: nope
believe in God?: Yes.
pray?: sometimes
Go to church?: sometimes
have any secrets?: Many
have any pets?: Penny, Bobby, Gracie (dogs) and Biddy and Buddy (rabbit and guniea pig)
do well in school?: Yes.
go to or plan to go to college? Next year I’m going to college.
talk to strangers who instant message you? sometimes
wear hats? sometimes
have any piercings?: Yes, one in each ear.
have any tattoos? No, thank you.
hate yourself? I have at times.
have an obsession? Oh, don’t get me started. . .
collect anything? music boxes and stuffed animals
have a best friend? Several of them.
wish on stars? all the time.